Am Solo

La Dee Da

Not a character on Star Wars but rather the new cry of singles of either gender in this era. What happened? Hard to say. Somehow we lost our ability to touch and cannot feel anymore. Maybe we want to feel and forgot how to. So many people trying their hands at online dating, tuning in to message boards, discussing politics but mostly love to far away computer pen pals. We've lost proper grammar as well as the desire to listen to a real voice softly breathing on us. Through this mist, what do we really crave? Connections, or at least maybe a connection. People use words like soul mate, the One, etc. to describe who they're looking for. They often overlook the fact that they have little tolerance for any human foibles in their mate. Online, you can hear young men being repulsed by any type of hair found on the female body. Blemishes are looked down on (on both sides). If you're a gent, you have to be perfectly handsome, toned, educated, wealthy, connoisseur of things extraordinaire. Ladies need not be wealthy or particularly bright, but their breasts need perkiness and their willingness to perform like a porn star after cooking a five-course meal will be greatly coveted.

While we dote on anonymous correspondents, very real humans cross our busy paths on a daily basis. They remain overlooked and underappreciated. I guess this century can already claim one mutation (well, permutation would probably be more accurate), the solitarius cor cordis permutation. The lonely heart which, prior to this era was confined to his living-room with his TV for companionship, is now able to connect to *millions* of other lonely hearts unable or unwilling to associate with anything human.

I live on a short dead-end street with only eight houses on it. I barely speak to my neighbors. We've had a lot of snow this winter and, for the first time, my elderly neighbor has come and taken care of my driveway for me. He has a snowblower which makes the whole task so much more easier. He does not knock on my door to let me know he will be doing that. Nor does he knock to let me know he's done. If I'm already outside shoveling, he simply waves and proceeds as if it was already pre-arranged. I have baked banana bread and cookies for him. He accepts the goods, but never invites me in. He barely speaks to me, yet I think he must like me somewhat. It's hard for me to imagine us living this way fifty years ago - being so far apart, while being so close. I barely communicate with my other neighbors. I do have extensive dialogs with earthly neighbors living thousands of miles away though. They know things about myself that I wonder if I would tell them should they happen to be local friends.

Is this the way we are ushering in the new millennium? Will the 21st century be the era of hardcore singles, cybersex and lonely but horny online buddies? What exactly are we teaching the upcoming generation? Are we teaching them that there is no such thing as happiness and that it is better to remain in an unpleasant situation than to extract yourself from it and try to make things better around you. Often, adults (just like children) learn by imitating the behavior of those around them. Unfortunately, with the amount of disenfranchised souls around, future generations might turn a bit disconnected and a tad unhappy.

Of course it can be difficult to overcome shyness and reach out to strangers, but we need to look beyond the safety of our monitors and do so. In any case, we should also realize that the words we read online are not from a disembodied soul and they can sometimes mean more (or even less) than what they say. By jumping too quickly to conclusion, we project upon our interlocutor our own ideas or spin on things. This can only result in deception. Of course, it is fairly easy to then accuse that person of injecting sophism to muddy the waters, but it would be best to realize that on the contrary, our own reluctance to tear the veil before our eyes induced us in error.

I think that we need to reconnect with people we encounter on a daily basis. I try to do so by offering a smile, a wink or a wave to various people that I meet. Often I compliment strangers or eagerly offer them help. I do not expect anything in return. I am satisfied that I have touched them in some way. I simply try to be the change I wish to see as Mahatma Gandhi as suggested. He also said to believe in something, and not to live it, is dishonest. I am just trying to live a principled life.

La Dee Da Dee Da